Layers
by Holtzmanned
Summary: Jillian Holtzmann is an onion that waits to be peeled off and be layered, Erin believes and she is yet to have an in-depth explanation on her new research. Ever since Holtzmann's speech at the restaurant last week, Erin is left curious and begging for more explanation about the backstory of her speech. She has yet to muster up and to confront Holtzmann for her newfound research.


_Jillian Holtzmann is an onion that waits to be peeled off and be layered,_ Erin Gilbert believes in the scientific method and uses it in her daily life ever since. She uses it for her experiments, her equations, anything science related until she met Jillian Holtzmann. Jillian Holtzmann is that kind of person who acts all ecstatic outside but inside, she has that dark secret nobody knows, the stereotypical onion indeed. Therefore, Erin is left curious about her ever since that little, simple but tear-jerking Physics speech last week at a restaurant. It seriously is bothering her, she's been oscillating back and forth in curiosity and observing the blonde who's either stripping her wires or fiddling with her tools while bopping her head to her 80's music everyday. Erin finds herself observing so intently that Holtzmann catches her very frequently; however, the engineer doesn't mind and just winks at the physicist.

It was time for Erin Gilbert to cease herself in questioning these unasked questions to herself because it won't answer her questions and Holtz is the only one who can answer them. Erin knows this, she's a scientist for Pete's sake. It doesn't take a genius to know that. What she only needs to do is to muster herself up to make Jillian Holtzmann open up to her. But oh my gosh, why is she so suddenly interested to know about Holtzmann's life? Why does she keep on thinking about her past? Sure, it's very interesting but why is she so petrified to ask it herself to the eccentric blond? Those questions will remain unanswered.

"Hey Abby?" Erin looked up from her daily crossword puzzle and found Abby typing on her desktop, probably writing another paranormal novel.

The brunette ceased her typing and spun to find Erin's eyes, "Yes?"

Erin finds herself jaunting with her typical posture to Abby's desk, leaving her crossword puzzle behind, and leans on her desk. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"What was Holtzmann's speech last week all about?" she questioned with a ridiculous frown on her face. Abby didn't answer instantly and readjusted her glasses first before thinking for a second.

"Look, this is her business all right? But since you're my best friend, I'll spare you this tiny detail," she pauses, checking at her left and her right before beckoning Erin to move closer for her to whisper. Erin gradually obliges, her heartbeat moving faster either because she's nervous of the new information she'll be getting or she half-expects Abby to tell a fake lie or to say this all a joke and Erin should ask Holtz herself but no. "Holtzmann is disowned by her family."

By this, Erin pulls away from Abby in a flash and now, she doesn't feel anything but worry and sorrow for the blonde. _She definitely is an onion that needs to be layered._ She didn't want to confront Holtzmann so bad until now, she wanted to hug her and protect her at all costs. Abby is still watching her though, she wasn't taking her eyes of Erin and she wasn't typing anymore. "Oh God."

"Hey, that was my exact reaction as well. Don't tell her I told you that, all right? If you're that curious, you can ask her. I'm sure she'll tell you everything." Abby leaned back to her chair and let herself relax. Erin is still not making any movements, just her eyes. Her eyes have been widened and she wasn't blinking for 45 seconds. She definitely should confront Holtzmann right now if she's this curious.

"Do you really think she'll tell me?" she finally blinked and looked at Abby who was now typing on her computer again.

"Oh yeah, she definitely will."

"And how are you so certain?"

Abby stopped typing and looked at the curious brunette. She stared intently at Erin with a smirk, Erin didn't know what was going and didn't know what to expect. "I think Holtz likes you that much that she'll eventually open up to you."

Erin didn't say anything as she felt her cheeks interacting with heat. She just nodded and walked back to her desk, to finish her crossword puzzle. The newspaper crossword puzzle, not the Jillian Holtzmann crossword puzzle that is way more difficult and so far, she hasn't found the words to progress in that puzzle.

* * *

"Yo guys! I brought us some food from Carl's Jr to eat." Patty arrived at 12:34 pm, putting down the 3 paper bags from Carl's Jr to her desk. "Don't you lazy asses dare to skip yo lunches, you guys need food and nutrients."

Kevin, Abby and Erin stood up from their desks to get their burgers. "Good. Y'all should take a break sometime." Patty got her own burger and stared at the empty stairs. Holtzmann is not coming down to eat it again. She often skips her meals, mostly because of her work but sometimes she doesn't have the appetite to do so. "Damn, Holtzy is not coming down again. Hey Abby?"

"Yeah?" Abby walked close to Patty, eating her fresh Superstar. "What is it?"

"Can you give this last burger to Holtzy? She doesn't eat that much, she needs to get her energy up." Abby smirks at her thought, she turned at Erin who was removing the cover of her barbeque sauce.

"No, but maybe Erin can bring it." Erin half-looked up at Abby since her cheeks were heating up again and raised her eyebrows. "Right, Erin?"

"Um," she fiddled with her fries as she was trying to find the right words to come up with an excuse. Instead, "Uh okay sure." _Shit._

"Here you go, Erin," Patty stated, handing over the paper bag to Erin. Abby was still smirking and winked at Erin to prompt the brunette to finally confront Holtzmann. Erin caught the hint up pretty well and nodded in response. She was finally going to do it, she was going to confront Holtzmann.

She gradually went upstairs with her heart pounding faster and faster in each second because oh my God, she's overthinking of all the possibilities that might happen in 10 minutes later. Holtz probably won't tell her about it causing her to be enraged and to make Erin leave her room or Holtz probably just stare at Erin and lecture her how this is none of her business or Holtz probably will-

The workshop's door opened and there she saw a smiling Holtzmann with her captivating right dimple. "Erin Gilbert! What brings you here?"

"Oh Holtz, I, uh, I was tasked to bring this to you." Erin presented the paper bag and handed it over to Holtz. Holtz winked at her, took the bag and went inside her lab.

"Thanks," she muttered, taking the burger out of the bag and unwrapping it. "Do you wanna come inside?"

Well, Erin did not expect that invite at all. (She actually was) She stepped inside Holtz's workshop and she can smell the familiar scent of grease, the scent of smoke and a faint scent of ectoplasm. It doesn't bother her anyway, she's been living under the same roof with Holtzmann since a few months ago. She walked over to a stool near the blonde's crafting table and leaned with her elbows. While doing so, she caught a brand new scent, lavender. She was certain it was coming from Holtz because she was just a few inches away from the engineer who was gently chewing on her burger. That was unexpected, she figured that Holtz never showers or... never puts shampoo on. She actually smells nice for a cute weirdo.

"Aren't you going to eat that?" Holtz snapped Erin back to reality, pointing at the adequate amount of fries Erin was holding. Erin realized that she's been staring at Holtz so she fumbled over her fries and one fell down under the table.

"Ah dammit." Holtz chuckled at the action and continued eating her burger. She hovered around to her boombox to play some music on. Blame it on the Boogie by The Jacksons starts playing and Holtz starts to present her cute little dance steps to the brunette while devouring her sandwich. Erin beams and bops her head to the beat as she watches her dance with euphoria, just like everyday.

 _How is she so damn ecstatic all the time?_ Erin begins to observe the mysterious woman again, watching every curve of her face that show an expression. So far, she figures that the curves of her smile obviously imply that she's happy but as she begins to observe the corners of her eyes and gazes at her iris. It definitely wasn't happy as the curves of her eyes show. They were sentimental and Erin assumes there was something hiding underneath those bright blue eyes. Her research on Holtzmann was progressing until now, her hypothesis was definitely plausible as she observes her experiment's every movement. _If Jillian Holtzmann appears to be happy all the time, then she is probably attempting to hide an obscure secret._

As the song gradually fades away, Erin stood from the stool, walked over her boombox and turned off the radio. Holtz's flailing of arms with her finished burger on her hands halted and stared at Erin from a distance. "Why did you stop it?"

Erin took a deep breath and curiously watched the baffled woman from a distance, "Holtzmann, can I talk to you?"'

"Um.. You are now-"

"That is not the point," Erin interrupted right away and walked closer to the shorter woman. "Look, I-I've been inquisitive about your life ever since your little speech last week. I don't exactly know why but I am so intrigued to know all about it and I've been meaning to ask you since day one yet I was too scared to ask you."

Holtzmann was speechless. She had the same exact look as Erin did a few moments ago with eyes widened, mouth opened, face paled and body stood still. After a few moments of silence, Holtzmann gradually propped down to a stool behind her and looked down at the table. _Oh geez, Erin. What the hell did you just do? She's gonna hate you forever, she's not going to back to that bizarre but lovable weirdo she was before and it's all because of you._

"If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine- I'll just, uh, find myself out," Erin offered and gestured her thumb behind her, pointing at the door. Holtzmann wasn't giving her eye contact anymore and wasn't responding as well. She waited a few more seconds before finally decided to take her leave. "I'm sorry."

Erin touched the cold metal of the doorknob, tilted it to gain exit until she heard a faint, unrecognizable noise from the woman behind her. It was sniffles coming from the blonde and so she turned to see Holtz's face buried in her arms with sniffles coming from her nose. _Holtzmann is crying._ She never thought she would see her in a state like this. But anxiety spoke to her again, _God Erin, this is all your fault. Look at what you did._

Then Erin came running back to her and patted her back. "Oh my God! This is all my fault, I'm so sorry! I knew this was a bad idea-"

"NO!" she heard the blonde half-screamed at her, removing her face from her arms. Erin was right, she **was** crying. Her eyes were still watering and her nose was still red. Her voice was now muffled and Erin is not used to it, "It's not your fault." her voice cracks mid-sentence, causing Erin to wince at the tone. Soon enough, Holtz's hand find its way to hold Erin's.

Her fingers were now touching the physicist's hand, she dared not to flinch her hand away since Holtzmann's hands were anomalously soft and smooth, she always figured it would be callused and rough from all her engineering duties. "Don't blame yourself." Erin's spine shivered at the soft prompt in Holtzmann's voice. "If you want to know, I... I'm willing to tell you everything. I'm sorry though, I tend to get a little emotional sometimes."

"I'm not forcing you, Holtz. If you can, then sure," Erin responded softly. Her other hand traced to ruffle her blonde curls as a comfort. "I want to know but... I'm not used to seeing you in a state like this."

Holtz sniffled and forced a weak smile to look up at Erin, "I'm willing to."

Erin smiled back, "Tell me everything then. If you want to cry, I can spare you one of my shoulders. I mean- that's what they say, right?"

Holtz snickered and nodded at that, "Yeah. You got that right," she paused for a moment to take a deep breath. "You ready, Gilbert? This'll get pretty emotional. Should I get tissues?" Erin chuckled at the idea and shook her head as a response. "Alright then. When I was a little Holtzy, I was born with a gift. With that, my parents took advantage of that gift which was... a profuse amount of knowledge and wisdom. As I shared to you guys before, I have an IQ of 163 which is- I don't mean to brag but it's pretty much Einstein's IQ. Anyway back to my parents' perspective, they brought me to a really expensive prep school. I got all those smart awards, "Best in Science" , "Best in English Literature", "Best in Mathematics", and so. Of course, my parents presented full pride for me." Another pause and a sigh. "But that's not the point here."

"What? What? Did you fail one of your subjects? Was it intentional? Is there some reason-"

"Shut the hell up, Gilbert. I'm not done here." The blonde put up her finger over Erin's mouth to shut her up. ".. It's because I met someone who changed my whole life." Erin's eyes widened and moved closer to Holtz. "I was so in love that eventually I want that person to meet my parents, so we did. My parents actually thought it was just a platonic relationship so.. that made my heart beat faster. During dinner, I mustered up all my nerves and told my parents I had something to confess. 'This is my girlfriend.'"

"Wait? You're gay?" Erin interrupted the last sentence. Holtz opened her eyes wide and harshly sneered at Erin's sentence. "What? What? I never figured."

"What? You never did- Oh my God, Erin. Ever since I first met you, I've been hitting with you with all the casual quips, winks and dance steps, and **you** never figured you ex-professor?" Erin just shrugged and Holtzmann continued to laugh. "Oh God, Erin you are ridiculous. The casual flirting, my choice of clothes and- oh God my hair are inscribed in billboards at Times Square, stating "JILLIAN HOLTZMANN IS THE GAY GHOSTBUSTER." I cannot believe you never thought of that."

"I guess it's a whole new branch of Science for me. I'm not good at reading people, Holtz. I'm physicist not a psychologist. I taught how objects move for a living not how to know if a person is gay for a living."

"I know but it doesn't take a genius to figure it out," and Erin is presented with her typical winks again, causing her cheeks rise again from heat. _Goddammit, Holtzmann._ "Abby knew from the start actually. When we first met, she instantly asked me I had a girlfriend. I smiled but I told her no, I'm still waiting for the perfect girl to come around to there for me to share my new inventions and to dance 80s music with me ."

Erin smiled at that wish. She always knew Holtzmann would be the sweet kind in like-lives or love-lives but she never expected that she would have dreams like these. "That's very sweet."

Holtzmann weakly smiled back before taking a deep breath to continue her story, "Okay! Moving on. My parents, of course, were very shocked to see that their eccentric daughter is gay. My mom gave my girlfriend a rude smile and it continues until she goes home. That's when- my mom confronted me about it- and-" Holtzmann paused and sniffled again. "I'm sorry, Erin. I-"

Erin hastily put her hand on Jillian's left cheek, caressing it slowly before wiping a tear off with her thumb. Her sky blue orbs gazed into her blue orbs, examining each other carefully like peeling each other's layers by gazing at each other. They both got lost in their own eyes before finally, Erin snapped back into reality and realized she was still caressing Holtz's cheek. She quickly pulled her hand away and smiled at Holtz who was still lost in her eyes. She sighed and began to speak up, "Look, it's okay if you don't want continue the story because I think I can end it from here."

Holtz shook her head back to reality and asked, "What?" Erin didn't respond and just continued to stare at her for an answers. "Are you sure?"

Erin nodded weakly and smiled, "It's fine. I just wanted some research and I wanted to peel off some of your layers."

Holtz chuckled, "Oh so it has a name?"

"Oh yes definitely. And hey, thanks for trying though. I have to head back." Erin juts a thumb over her shoulder, pointing at the door and waited for Holtz's response. Holtzmann didn't say anything but gave a weak, deadpanned nod. Erin sighed and turned around to exit. While she was walking, a thousand thoughts hovered inside her mind. She never saw that side of Holtzmann before, who knew she could be that emotional and feel so much pain. It was bizarre to think about it as well, seeing a different side of Holtzmann was worth her newfound research which was studying more about Jillian Holtzmann and peeling off her layers. Her layers were definitely worth peeling off, seeing more plot twists and climax was like reading a good book. And so far, Holtzmann is definitely one of the best books she ever read and she can't wait to see the ending.

Erin's thoughts were interrupted as she felt a soft hand grasp her wrist, she jerked her head to see Jillian Holtzmann with genuine eyes and a delicate smirk, deepening her right dimple stopping her to leave without a last word uttered. "Hey, thank you."

Erin beamed at her and faintly nodded, "You're welcome." They smiled at each other for a while until Erin recalled her speech last week about love. Well, maybe it doesn't mean anything to her and it's for them four. She has yet to know the answer. Things were going so awkwardly quiet until Erin blurted out, "Wait, why did you say 'I love you' in your speech?"

Holtz giggled, flashing her dimples, and said, "Oh you noticed that, huh?" Erin instantly regretted what she blurted out but she doesn't have a choice than wait for an answer. "Well, it was not friendly if you're asking." Erin gulped as baby blue orbs gazed at her eyes willingly, she closed her eyes for a moment and inhaled slowly while waiting for an answer. "It was for you."

Erin opened her eyes after the uttered sentence and saw a (still) willingly gazing and dimpled-smiling Holtzmann. She can't control herself from grinning and laughing and so she did. And she realized she was having these lingering, unknown feelings for Jillian Holtzmann ever since the day they met and _oh God_ , that enthralling wink. She realized it was time to go so she smiled and bid adieu.

Erin stepped out her lab with a huge smile plastered to her face. Who knew the other side of Jillian Holtzmann was worth researching for? Erin will definitely make more research about Jillian Holtzmann and what more can she research about? Well, maybe her feelings for Holtz is going to need a in-depth background and its hypothesis is waiting to be hypothesized. Just maybe. She definitely need to peel off more layers and she can't wait.


End file.
